


when the party's over

by DramamineOnTopOfMe



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Detroit: Become Human Mentioned, Driving, Eddie is a Good Friend, Hair Pulling, Handwritten Note, M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Pining, Repetition, Stims, ticks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:01:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24230998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramamineOnTopOfMe/pseuds/DramamineOnTopOfMe
Summary: 5 Times Eddie Witnessed One of Buck's Quirks + 1 Time Buck Explained Them
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 47
Kudos: 424





	when the party's over

**Author's Note:**

> This is more a fic for myself rather than anyone else. I kept getting the idea to give Buck my shit, not my mental baggage, but the coping things. I kinda went back and forth about posting this because it's so personal to me. I haven't really come out about some of these things before, and of course, there are other things that I've considered putting in here and didn't. There are entire points that I trashed because I just didn't feel comfortable sharing them.  
> THAT BEING SAID, be gentle? please? I don't know, I'm just feeling a bit insecure about the things that might be said.
> 
> Title from Billie Eilish, she came thru for me at 5 am when I posted this
> 
> I'll come around later and edit this, it's not beta read and obviously a mess. Y'all are goddamn treasures though for not mentioning it in the comments 🤣 --> Updated and edited

1 

He didn’t notice it before, and he doesn’t know what’s changed now, but Buck repeats himself a lot. It’s like he picks a word and sticks to it, finds ways to include it in multiple sentences. The others don’t seem to notice it when he does it, or if they do, they don’t talk about it. It doesn’t bother him, not really. Eddie thinks it’s just a bit peculiar. 

_“I don’t know man, I’m just not sure about it.” Buck taps his hands on the table a few times, “It’s an obscene amount of stab wounds.”_

_Eddie puts his hand up, “But it’s an even number?” His friend cocks his head and pouts, “Not a prime number, but it can be evenly divided and technically they were evenly distributed across the body.” He’s trying to help, really, but now he’s just rambling and honestly, who the fuck cares about even distributions of stab wounds on a video game?_

_“It’s obscene, Eds. The guy’s obviously dead. They think the android did it-”_

_“He did do it, they found him in the attic.”_

_“Yeah well, why did Connor have to say it like that?”_

_“He’s an android, it’s in his programming.” Eddie continues to make sandwiches for the three of them. Chris is asleep on the couch but he’ll be up soon enough. Buck rolls his eyes, “What, you gonna argue that he’s human?”_

_“I mean, yeah, that’s the whole point of the game. Did you know that the first deviant thing you can do is put the fish back in the tank right at the beginning. It's before you even talk to the cops? The point of the game is to find your humanity, make something of it for the androids you’re controlling.”_

_“You’re telling me that the creators of this game, the ones that spent literally years on it, they’re entire goal was to show people their own humanity?”_

_Buck shrugs, his eyebrows raising a little as he does, “I don’t know, maybe! I think that’s what it is. I can’t think of another reason to make a game about androids like this. There are so many possibilities, so many ways to go wrong. I-” He pauses for a second to take a breath, “The first time I played through the game I got Kara killed at the ‘quote-unquote’,” Buck motions with his fingers. His intensity makes Eddie chuckle. “Safehouse, you know the one. It’s got all the experimented-on androids and the polar bear! It’s a damn droid-bear!”_

_He finishes the sandwiches and motions for Buck to follow him over to the table. “Alright, I’ll bite, tell me everything you know about this game. I know you’ve got facts up there in that head of yours.” Buck smiles while taking his plate. He doesn’t start up again right away, instead he bites into the sandwich Eddie made for him._

_Eddie doesn’t know what he did to get someone like Buck in his life, he’s a weird one for sure. He’s always thought with his heart and that’s what made Eddie fall for him. It gets him into trouble just as much as it saves the day._

_“Alright so,” Buck takes the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth, “You can kill Kara before she even leaves the house. But she still comes back, I think the idea is that she gets repaired all the time until you get her on the bus with Alice. Connor though, he can die an obscene amount of times.” He nearly flinches at the word. How many times has Buck said that word? It’s got to be a lot now. “There’s actually a trophy for making Connor die at every possible point. I don’t know how many that is- I’ll look it up,” He tugs his phone from his jeans frantically, “Twenty-six times, the same amount as the stab wounds! That’s an obscene amount!” There it is again, that word._

_“You keep saying that.” It's out of his mouth before he can think about saying something else. He flinches then, not meeting Buck’s eyes. “Obscene, you keep saying it. And there were 28 stab wounds, not 26.”_

_“Oh, sorry. Sometimes I get a bit caught up on words.” He looks up just in time to see Buck retreat into himself. His arms cross and his shoulders hunch. Eddie feels bad now for pointing it out. He didn’t want to make him self conscious, not really. He doesn’t know why it bothers him so much. Maybe it’s because Shannon used to do the same thing? She’d repeat certain words over and over again until it seemed like all he could hear were those words._

_“It’s okay,” He says in hopes to calm Buck. It does, thankfully, and he loosens up, "So, any more things I should know about before I finish this?” He points to the other sandwich he made for Chris, his eyebrows raised. Buck waves it away, telling him to take it for himself._

_“Yeah, I’ve got a bunch. Marcus, the android-Jesus character- well, he’s not actually Jesus, but they try to make him out to be, he ends up in a junkyard. The original android from that trailer years ago? She's heard singing in the junkyard, she’s just a torso and head or something though.” Eddie smiles around his sandwich, content to listen to Buck ramble on about his favorite game._

2

Buck’s always been a random fact generator, but Eddie notices more and more times where he asks questions when he already knows the answer. It’s a few days later at the station, they’re watching the game between the Raiders and Cowboys when his trivia brain kicks in, “Did you know that refs get Superbowl rings too?” Chim and Maddie shush him as a ref calls a bogus foul. 

“Oh come on!” Chim throws his popcorn at the tv. 

“Are you even a fan of the Raiders, Chim?” Bobby grins from his perch on the arm of the couch. There’s a lull in calls today, so they turned on the television to drown out the silence. 

“No, but I don’t have to be to know that that was a bullshit call!” Chim pops some food into his mouth, a smile on his lips. “Besides, nobody cares about the Cowboys either, just their cheerleaders.” 

Maddie giggles next to him, stopping his hand from throwing any more popcorn at the screen. “Okay, okay, don’t waste the food babe, not unless you want to pick it up off of the floor later.” 

Buck tips his head, “Can someone explain the scoring to me?” He squints at the screen for a few seconds before glancing around. Everyone stares at him, mouths open. He looks around a bit more, widening his eyes. 

“There’s no way you don’t know how football works.” Chim tosses some popcorn into his mouth, “Did you not watch football as a kid, Maddie?” 

“Not really, you seriously don’t know how it works, Evan?” She looks at her little brother. He tips his head a little more and Eddie catches the tinge of pink on the corner of his cheekbone. He knows how football works, Eddie knows that. They've watched games together before, so why is he asking about it then? Buck shakes his head. God, he’s cute like that though. He seems caught between a rock and a hard place. He wants to help, but Buck doesn’t look his way, so Eddie’s stuck staring at the side of his face. 

“That’s alright kiddo, so,” Bobby points at the screen and tells him about the points system. He explains how field goals and touchdowns happen. Eddie blinks a few times as he listens, he can’t figure out why Buck is asking about something that he already knows. 

The answer comes to him a few minutes later when his face lights up with delight as Chim and Bobby fight about the points system and its flaws. He’s seen Chris do the same thing. He’s trying to make a connection but doesn’t know how. Asking questions is the easiest way to get someone to like you, but why does he think they don’t like him? 

Eddie doesn’t get the chance to pull him aside and ask because the alarm goes off soon after and he forgets everything about Buck’s communication tactic. 

3

The first time he’s upset about something that Buck’s done happens to be the same time he discovers another quirk. It’s nearly a week after the football game and they’ve both just gotten off of a shift. Eddie immediately goes home to relieve Carla. He doesn’t want to keep her longer than she needs to be around. He knows she wants to spend time with her husband. 

Then Chris reminds him that he’s supposed to have a sleepover with Denny tonight. He brings his son over, then shoots a text to his best friend from Hen’s driveway. 

_Chris is with Hen tonight. Sleepover with Denny, you free?_

A response comes as he stops at a light a few minutes later. 

**_Sure. I’ll be home in a bit, taking a drive_ **

Eddie makes a split decision, turning left instead of right to head to Buck’s apartment instead. He says he won’t be long, so he can wait until Buck comes home. They can have a few beers, talk about work, and probably play video games. 

He parks on the street, being sure to leave room for Buck to get into his parking space. He uses his spare key to get inside. He drops his keys on the counter in the kitchen and immediately walks to the fridge to grab a few beers. He assumes Buck will only be a few minutes, maybe twenty tops. Although, Eddie can’t think of a reason that Buck would go for a drive. He’s got everything he needs, his fridge is stocked, and he went shopping with Eddie and Chris the week before for household essentials. 

He pulls his shoes off and chucks them towards the door. They hit the wall near where all of Buck’s shoes sit. Close enough. He coughs before taking a swig of his beer. He pulls out his phone, deciding to scroll through social media until his best friend shows up. He catches up on his Instagram feed as well as the important people on his Twitter page before looking back at the time. It’s been 45 minutes. His beer is empty, and the other one that he pulled out it getting warm. Where is he? 

_Hey man, you get lost? Do I have to come find you?_

Eddie sighs and moves to the couch. He flips on the tv and finds something mindless to have in the background. He tugs his phone from his jeans again. There’s no response from Buck. 

He worries for a minute. Why isn’t Buck home? Why isn’t he responding? He’s got half an idea to send a text to Athena, asking if she’s heard anything or seen anything while on duty. But some part of him says that’s going a bit far. 

More time passes, he watches shows and opens the other beer that he pulled out earlier. He doesn’t know what’s taking so long. Buck said he’d be home soon. When he checks his phone again, it’s clear he’s been waiting for over an hour and a half. He could call, make sure everything is alright. Sleep gets the better of him though and he soon drifts off on the couch. 

He jerks awake, the sound of a door waking him up. Eddie sits up and blinks towards the front door. Buck’s staring at him, guilty look evident even in the low light coming from the television. “Where were you?” He rubs his eyes with the heel of his left hand. 

“I’m sorry Eds, I went for a drive. It lasted a bit longer than I expected. I didn’t know you were coming right over.” He picks his phone up off of the coffee table and turns on the screen. It’s nearing midnight, Buck’s been gone for a little over three hours. “I know it’s late, you can go home if you want.” His best friend scuffs his feet on the tile before pulling his shoes off. 

“I’m here now, I don’t have Chris. Want to talk about it?” He shakes his head and sits up. Buck goes to the fridge for a beer, but when he comes over to the couch, he has four in his hands.

“No, there’s nothing to talk about.” He sets the beers down while meeting Eddie’s eyes. They’re wide, earnest, and honest, he can tell that Buck doesn’t think he needs to talk about it. Or there really is nothing to talk about and he was just taking a drive. 

“Did you find any good songs I should know about then?” He grabs a beer and smiles into it as Buck starts telling him about some songs he found from the 90s that he’s never heard of. If Buck wants to keep his thoughts to himself, Eddie will let him. 

4

It’s three days after he came home late, and Eddie’s been keeping a closer eye on Buck. He’s worried, and honestly, that’s the only reason he notices something new. He rocks, although Eddie’s got to admit that he hides it well, constantly moving so it doesn’t look weird. It only catches his attention one night because he’s silently enjoying a video of tik tok compilations. He can’t tell if Buck only does it when he’s silent, or if he just hasn’t noticed because while Buck’s talking, he’s paying attention to that instead. 

There’s nothing distressing about how he moves, in fact, he doesn’t even seem to notice that he’s doing it. He’s got his laptop in his hands, and his legs are crossed. He looks comfortable. Except he’s rocking. Eddie thought he was crying for the first few seconds, but the smile on his face said otherwise. 

“Hey,” He sticks his hand out, ready to grip Buck’s shoulder. 

“Hey,” Buck looks up at him, smiling, “What’s up Eds?” The rocking stops momentarily. Eddie jumps over the couch, thigh brushing against Buck’s, “How’s Superman?” Electricity shoots up his body at the touch. He shivers once. 

“He’s good, Carla took him to the park for a while.” Buck’s been over nearly all day, but he took a nap sometime earlier and missed Carla completely. “They’ll be back later, don’t worry.” Buck brushes up against him again as he begins to rock again. Sparks keep flying through his leg. 

Eddie shakes his head to pay attention. Now that he’s up close, he realizes it looks more like a focusing or self-soothing tactic. Nothing on his face says that he’s distressed nor upset. He’s still smiling at the video in front of him. 

“Have you seen this video?” He asks while turning the laptop towards Eddie. It’s paused at a familiar video. 

“Yeah, vibe check fairy.” Eddie nods. 

“It’s hilarious, I love this guy.” His rocking is small and methodical, his hips rotate just enough to get the movement started, then it seems like gravity takes over. Eddie doesn’t know if he should touch him. He doesn’t know if he should mention it. 

5

Buck stays over that night, making excuses about saving gas when he’s coming back tomorrow morning anyways to babysit. Eddie’s not complaining, really, he wants Buck to stay. They spend the night like they normally do, watch a movie with Chris until he falls asleep, then Eddie takes him to bed. He comes back out and he and Buck talk for a while, maybe play a game or watch some tv. It’s calming, makes Eddie feel a sense of security.

Tonight they turned on a rerun of Community while playing on their phones. Eddie doesn’t pay too much attention to either though because he’s too busy focusing on the way Buck twitches next to him. His leg jerks randomly like he’s lost feeling and wants to remember it’s there. Buck moves occasionally, his thigh brushing against Eddie’s knee sometimes. It sends shocks through him, just like earlier today. 

Eddie’s always been aware of his feelings, but recently, especially the past couple of days, it’s been harder and harder to ignore it. He won’t act on it, no, he’ll never act on it. He doesn’t want to mess with the friendship he and Buck have. And Chris depends on Buck a lot, he can’t jeopardize that relationship just for the sake of his feelings. 

More time passes, Eddie still lost in his thoughts. But his eyes start to droop and he thinks it’s time for bed. “Hey man, I’m gonna head to bed. Feel free to stay up if you want.” Buck nods shallowly, still looking at his phone. His knee jerks again, hitting Eddie’s. 

“Night Eds.” 

Eddie wakes slowly, blinking. His mouth is dry, drier than it’s been in a while. He should get water. He stands quietly and stretches. The clock next to his bed says he’s only been asleep for an hour or so before waking up again. He’s careful not to step on the boards that creak in case everyone is asleep. But upon opening his bedroom door, he notices the living room lamp is still on. Is Buck still awake? Was he even tired when Eddie went to bed? 

He looks to be nearly asleep as Eddie walks into the room though. He peaks over the back of the couch to see his best friend’s eyes closed. His phone is playing a video quietly, something resembling ASMR. As he leans a bit more, Eddie notices Buck’s right hand pulling at the hair on the nape of his neck softly. His fingers move methodically, twirling and tugging at the tampered curls. His hair is growing out, something Eddie’s never seen before. He’s usually got it glued down with product, perfectly placed against his head. 

He pads quietly around the couch to sit on the coffee table. Buck doesn’t stir. He’s careful as he takes the phone away from the couch, turning it off and setting it on the floor. Next, he tugs the blanket that’s bunched around Buck’s hips up to his chest. Eddie waits a few seconds to make sure he doesn’t wake his friend. Buck only sniffles slightly and tucks his head a bit further into the cushion. 

He lightly pulls the hand away from Buck’s hair. He wraps his fingers around it, rubbing his knuckles. “Sleep, Buck.” He whispers while putting the hand down. After patting it a few times, he stands and heads back to bed, water was forgotten. 

+1 

He feels a bit bad for leaving a note taped to Buck’s forehead this morning, but he couldn’t help himself. He was still asleep, head half curled into the cushion just as the sun was coming through the window. He would be up soon, and so would Chris.

Eddie grins, straightening up from where he’s hunched over the man on the couch. The image in front of him is too perfect. Buck’s dead to the world, mouth slightly agape. There’s a bit of drool coming down and landing on the cushion under him. The note’s stuck to his brow, centered perfectly in the middle of his forehead. He falls in love a bit more and can’t help but pull his phone out, taking a picture for later. 

He gets a text a few hours after his shift starts: 

**_Dude really? Why didn’t you leave it on the table or something? Or text me?_ **

_You would have ignored it if I texted you. This way you know for sure_

**_Handwriting is shit btw_ **

_Fuck off_

He pockets his phone again after responding. 

Work moves slowly enough, by noon he’s ready to leave. He wants to talk to Buck, wants to ask him about everything he’s seen. He wants to know why Buck does what he does, and why it took him this long to notice it. His affection hasn’t lessened because of it, quite the opposite. He could get lost in the watching Buck attempt to explain something while using the same word over and over again. Or soothe himself to sleep by rocking and pulling at his own hair. 

That reminds him, Eddie pulls his phone back out and pulls up Google. He doesn’t know what to call them, ticks? Quirks? At first, he searches for ticks, but that gets him nowhere. Quirks give him nothing as well. He’s at a loss and huffs in frustration. 

Bobby notices, “You okay Eddie, is something wrong?” 

“No Cap, I’m fine.” He puts his phone down at the table. Bobby’s cooking lunch, getting ready for the next crew coming in to cover the station. Eddie taps his fingers on the edge of the table. What word is he looking for? 

Bobby furrows his brow, “You’re a bit antsy, you sure you’re alright?” 

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ve been trying to figure out a word for a few days now and it’s just not coming to me. Google is no help.” Bobby probably doesn’t know the word for it either. He shouldn’t be telling everyone Buck’s business either, “But I guess I just want to get home to Chris. I promised him pizza for lunch today, not that he knows that. Although Buck does, so if he’s good for anything, he’ll keep the secret.” He scratches the back of his neck. 

“Buck, keep a secret? When has he ever done that?” Bobby chuckles, pointing towards the stairs with the wooden spoon in his hand. 

“What?” 

“Go, you’re free. We can take care of the next few hours. Go say hi to your boys.” Bobby’s grin widens at his last words. “Tell Buck I said hi.” 

He blushes, “Will do Cap.” He doesn’t waste a minute while getting his stuff from his locker. The drive home is short, he barely notices the passing stoplights as he makes his way to the pizza place. Traffic is light, being the middle of the afternoon, so he makes it home in less time than expected. He parks in the driveway next to Buck, instead of in the garage. 

“Mijo!” Eddie yells as he opens the front door. 

“Dad!” Chris grabs his crutches while getting up from the table. “You’re home early!” Eddie places the pizza box on the table then scoops him up and kisses his head. 

“Of course I’m home early. Bobby let me go. I’ve got pizza.” Chris wiggles in his arms a bit, adjusting so he can tip his head onto Eddie’s shoulder. “You gonna tell me what you and Buck did all day or do I have to ask him myself?” 

His face lights up in delight and he immediately starts telling Eddie about his morning, “Bucky made pancakes today! Then we played with legos for a while and went to the park.” 

“Oh, the park? Did you skateboard?” 

Chris nods excitedly, “Yeah, he took me skateboarding, and then we came home and had a snack. He said we couldn’t have lunch though because you were bringing home a surprise.” He points to the pizza, “But he didn’t tell me you were bringing home pizza.” 

“Yeah, I told him to keep it a secret, I wanted to surprise my little man.” He looks over at Buck who’s grinning. “What about you, did you do anything while I was gone?” 

“No, spent the day with Chris. But I did wake up to a note taped to my forehead.” He cocks his head to the side, grin turning sly. “I just don’t get why you didn’t put it on the table in front of me or something. Or wake me up?” The smell of fresh pizza fills the kitchen as he reaches to open the box, “God, would a text kill you?” Cheese and grease drip from the slice he’s shoving into his mouth. 

Unconsciously, Eddie reaches forward and wipes his thumb on the corner of Buck’s mouth, taking away the grease. “Yes, it would. Just like it would kill you to use a napkin.” His scolding doesn’t go unnoticed as Buck pouts and grabs a napkin to wipe his face one more time. “Come on man, I know you. You don’t pay attention to things unless they’re right in front of your face.” 

He grunts and shoves more pizza into his mouth. Eddie puts Chris down and walks around the table to grab plates. After passing them out, he fills his plate with a few slices, “Alright, what are we watching tonight boys?” He carries his and Chris’ plate to the living room and sets them on the coffee table. Buck is close behind with his own plate, Chris next to him. 

“Something new!” His son smiles. They decide on Aladdin because Buck swears that A Whole New World will become his favorite song. Chris takes the chair, pulling his plate along the coffee table until it’s in front of him. Buck snorts, settling down on the couch. 

He plops down next to him, bringing his plate into his lap. There’s a foot between them, the only reason he notices is because a few minutes into the movie, Buck starts to rock his knee. If he were any closer, it’d be knocking into him, but it’s not. 

It’s not until Prince Ali plays that he notices the slight rocking. He doesn’t see it right away, he just feels the couch move minutely with Buck’s body. Eddie shuffles closer, bumping his knee against the rocking one. It’s hesitant, but there. He stops rocking for a second. Their eyes meet momentarily and Buck looks terrified. 

He nods once then turns back to the television. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a small smile fall on those full lips he wiped at earlier. He counts it as a win.

They finish Aladdin before Chris complains that he’s ready to go outside again. Buck offers to take him back to the park. “Want to go skateboarding again Superman?” Chris shakes his head at the offer. 

“I want to play with Denny and Harry.” Chris climbs over the arm of the chair to get to the couch. 

“We can’t see them right now, Harry’s got homework and Denny’s with his moms. Sorry, buddy.” The pout his son pulls could rival Buck’s. “Don’t pout, your face will get stuck like that.” The pout turns over, and Chris smiles wide. “How about another movie? Then we can get dinner and play some board games?” 

“Fine, I guess.” Chris agrees before climbing back into his chair. “Can we watch Toy Story?” 

“Sure Superman.” Buck smiles and changes the movie over. 

By the time Woody and Buzz get stuck in Pizza Pit, Buck’s antsy again. He’s shaking his leg harder than before, causing Eddie to shake with him. He can only take it for a few minutes before the movement gets annoying. Grunting, Eddie scoots over some more so their thighs are pressed together. Now there’s no room for him to shake, they’re touching knee to shoulder. 

He dips his head and keeps his voice low, “You doing okay man?” 

Buck leans his head back for a few seconds, taking slow breaths, “Yeah, just antsy.” 

“I can see that.” Eddie throws his arm behind Buck’s head across the back of the couch, turning towards him, “Anything I can do?” As he picks his head up, Eddie’s fingers brush against his hair. 

“No, it’s fine.” He’s lying, Eddie can tell. But he doesn’t call him on it. Buck will come to him when he’s ready. 

Buck leans his head back at some point, Eddie can’t tell if it’s unconsciously or not. He takes a chance and lightly tugs at the strands of hair closest to his hand. They’re soft and pliable. Buck didn’t use product today to tame them. He doesn’t pull away but doesn’t push into it either. So Eddie continues, and as the movie comes closer to the end, he finds his hand buried in Buck’s curls, softly playing with them.

He can’t feel anything but the softness of those curls against his fingertips. It’s like he’s running his hand over the freshly brushed coat of a dog. It twists perfectly in his fingers. He slides his hand up to his hairline and starts brushing the curls back. They’re falling onto Buck’s forehead a little. Although they don’t stay in place like Eddie wants. 

The man is pretty much asleep when Buzz gets strapped to the rocket in Sid’s backyard. He’s snoring softly, head leaned back against the couch. Eddie watches him, notices how his nostrils flare just the slightest bit as he exhales. He’s got a bit of stubble littered across his jaw, light patches of blonde scattered across porcelain skin. 

He moves a bit, his head turns towards Eddie. If they were a bit closer, their noses might be touching. It’s now that he realizes he’s slowly leaned in as he played with the curls. 

“Daddy?” Chris’s voice startles him, causing him to pull away from Buck. 

“Yeah, mijo?” The screen is showing the menu, telling him that he’s missed the end of it. “Hungry?” 

“Yeah, is Buck asleep?” He climbs off the chair and stands in front of them. 

“Yeah, he’s napping. You want to wake him up so we can have dinner?” His son nods enthusiastically and begins tapping on the man next to him.

“Buck, it’s time to get up! Daddy’s going to burn down the kitchen so you have to save me!” Eddie gasps, finally pulling his hand away from Buck’s hair. Buck blinks slowly, shaking his head. “Come on Bucky! You can’t let Dad burn down the kitchen. You have to make food before I starve!” Chris throws his head back dramatically, his hand coming up to his forehead. 

“He learned that from you.” Buck offers, glancing at Eddie sleepily. 

“Excuse me? I’m not the dramatic one out of the two of us, I don’t know why you’re looking at me like this is my fault.” Even with his elbow a few inches back from where it was a second ago, he’s still too close. He can feel Buck’s chest expand as he breathes, can feel the warmth radiating from his skin. 

“Me, dramatic?” Buck waves his hand in the air, “Pfft, never.” He jerks though, pulling his body into a sitting position. “Alright buddy, I’m up, what do you want for dinner?” 

“Pancakes!” Chris laughs. 

“We had those this morning, you really want them again?” Chris nods enthusiastically, “Fine, I guess pancakes again.” 

Chris goes to bed a bit after dinner. They manage a few games of cards before he’s zonking out on the couch. Eddie puts him to bed, but not before telling Buck that he’s not allowed to leave yet. He looks nervous as Eddie says it like he thinks he’s in trouble. 

He pulls Buck back to the kitchen table once he’s free. “Alright man, you’ve got to talk to me.” 

He blinks, panic still evident on his face, “Something wrong Eds?” 

“I don’t know, is something wrong?” His face turns red and his eyes dart towards the door. Suddenly, Eddie realizes what this sounds like, “Oh Jesus, I just mean that you’ve been doing a lot of weird things recently. You didn’t make me mad, Buck.” 

He doesn’t answer right away. His brows raise and lower a few times as he thinks. Eddie momentarily remembers sticking the note to his forehead this morning. He couldn’t decide whether it’d be funnier to post it to the middle of his forehead or the side. 

“Oh! You mean my stims?” Buck sags a little bit in relief. 

“Stims?” He cocks his head. Is that the word he was looking for earlier today? 

“Yeah, stims. They’re uh, self-stimulating behaviors.” Buck waits a few seconds, scratching the back of his neck. “They’re most common in autistic people. It’s basically repetitive behaviors, like clapping, rocking, pacing, hand flapping, even repeating words.” He blushes at the last part, “A person doesn’t have to be autistic to have stims though. Studies found that people with ADD, ADHD, anxiety, and even depression can have them.” 

It suddenly makes sense now, everything that he’s seen the past couple of weeks. “Oh, so that’s what you’re doing. Alright,” he clicks his tongue once, “I was trying to figure out what it was called today at work. Didn’t know it had a name.” 

“Yeah, when I was repeating words and you called me out, the rocking, and hair pulling, they’re all stims.” His blush extends down his neck, and under his shirt. A pang of guilt runs through Eddie. He shouldn't have called attention to it. 

“What about driving around and asking questions when you already know something?” 

“Quirks or ticks, I guess?” Buck’s lower lip is red from how hard he bites it, “Those are a part of my anxiety. I drive around to clear my head and asking questions, I guess I just- I don’t know, I’ve always done it. I know it’s not normal and I don’t have to do it but I don’t see a point in stopping now. I’ve done it for so long.” His hands wring together nervously. Eddie hasn’t seen his eyes in a while because he’s too busy looking down at the table. 

“Chris does it too, you know. The question thing.” He offers, “When he was younger and we were still in El Paso, I remember being asked into his classroom by his teacher because she was confused whether or not he was learning at home. I guess he’d been asking questions about things that should be common knowledge.” He shakes his head, the memory coming back to him. “She didn’t want to assume, because of his CP, but she was concerned.” Buck finally looks up, but still doesn’t meet Eddie’s eyes. “I realized that he was trying to get people to like him because he did it to me one day. He asked how to use his crutches like he hadn’t been using them for years.” 

Buck snorts, “Oh jeez.”

He chuckles, “Yeah, the little guy was so nervous about me not liking him. He’d forgotten that I’m his dad. Although, there was more underlying stuff there. He was worried I’d be like Shan and leave him… Doesn’t matter now, he doesn’t do it too often anymore. And he knows she didn't leave him, not necessarily.” The back of his neck is warm with embarrassment. Color spreads along his cheekbones, “You reminded me of that, I don’t know if it’s what you’re doing too. But that’s how I understand it.” 

Silence falls over them again as Buck thinks about what he says. Eddie’s not worried though, they’re talking about it, which is what he wants. “I guess, even as an adult, I don’t remember that people like me… You’re right, I do it for the same reason Chris does, I just- _I’m an adult,_ I should know whether my friends like me or not, y’know.” The laugh that leaves his throat is self-deprecating and pathetic. He can tell Buck doesn’t believe himself.

“I like you.” It’s easy to say, of course, he does. Buck’s eyes bulge from his head though as he looks up, “I always have, I knew that you were going to be my best friend from the moment I met you. Even while you thought I was a dick.” It’s a lie, he hoped they’d be friends when they met, but he didn’t know for sure until the grenade. He moves a bit closer, sidling his chair up to Buck’s. He’s careful as he moves his hand to the back of Buck’s head again. “I don’t mind that you do them, really. I just didn’t know what they were or what they meant.” 

He sighs against Eddie’s hand, head falling forwards a bit, “I didn’t want to tell anyone, didn’t want people to look at me weird.” 

“I don’t think anyone would look at you weird, man. I sure won’t.” His fingers curl a bit more into the nape of his neck and he scratches there. A low hum of appreciation fills the otherwise silent kitchen. 

A thought comes to him. This could be _the moment._ He could pull Buck in and kiss him, tell him it’s alright and that he loves him. But he doesn’t want that, not yet. He’s still learning things about Buck, character-defining things. 

They sit in silence for a few minutes, Eddie scratching at his neckline. Then Buck stands abruptly, pulling Eddie up with him. Before he can ask what’s wrong, Buck's pulling him into a bear hug. His head digs into Eddie's neck as he folds himself to fit into the shorter man's arms. He accepts the affection without much thought, securing his arms around Buck’s wide shoulders. “Thank you, Eds.” He gulps at the feeling of Buck’s lips pressing into his throat. 

“You don’t have to thank me,” While tightening his grip a bit more, he tilts head. He ghosts his lips across Buck’s temple in a kiss. It’s just enough of what he wants. It’s just enough affection to get his point across and not cross too much of a line. Buck surprises him by returning the kiss, whispering it onto the skin near his collarbone. 

  
  



End file.
